What High Schoolers Are Taught About WW II That Is Complete Bull Shit!

How many movies have you seen, even in this day of age, that deal with World War number two? W have Pearl Harbor (horrible movie that dealt more with Kate Beckinsale being torn between two hot guys than the actual attack) Saving Private Ryan, Thin Red Line, Saving Private Ryan, Schindler's List, The Longest Day, and many, many, many more films that deal with one war that the United States was in four four years. I am actually convinced that it would take more than four years to see every movie ever made about those four years.

Was it important? Well, DUH! Of course it was! We were up against a horrible fucking dictator that was killing his own citizens left and right and wanted to take over the world! (And ironically enough we were allies with a man that did the exact same fucking things!)

Remember Me?

But even though we have movie after movie about one war, many Americans have the wrong ideas about what actually went on during the war. Between the conspiracies and good old fashioned propaganda, many people don't know what actually happened during the most IMPORTANT war in the 20th century.

Myth #1- America Did Not Know About What Was Happening To The Jews Until After The War.

Truth is, yeah, we really did. Eleanor Roosevelt begged her husband to allow more Jewish refugees into the country because of the atrocities they were facing. FDR, however, had a lot of anti-Semites in his own cabinet and ignored the pleas of his wife. 

America also had the plans of Auschwitz while they were building a goddamn railroad to the place! One strategically placed bomb could have at least delayed the transport of millions to the death camp, but America had more important things to worry about. (Like imprisoning Japanese-Americans.) 

But through intelligence a lot of people in the political system knew what was happening to the Jews. But if the American political machine was so clueless about the Holocaust, then why were soldiers ordered to go to concentration camps to "liberate" them? We knew. Well, not the average American, but the Americans with power? Yeah they knew!  

Why Did We Not Learn About This?

Simple, we were the victors. Yes, it is true that the American people as a whole did not know what happened in the concentration camps until the Nuremberg Trials, but the president and other higher up's in the American political machine did. But if we taught 10th graders that we knew about the slaughter of millions of people and really did nothing to stop it, it would make America look bad! So it is better that they don't know. We can't have anything that makes America look bad in our schools. (America... Fuck Yeah!) 

Myth #2- World War II "started" in 1939

So technically this is true. But the "war" that started in 1939 was about as much of a "war" as America's involvement in Libya today. Meaning, not much! In 1939 Great Britain did in fact declare war on Germany and vice-verse. But it prompted a year long stint of doing absolutely fucking nothing! That year long period is now known today as the "phony war". During the first days of WWII the English government was trying desperately to convince its citizens that they were not heading toward another World War.

Hence, a sign that would spawn a thousand memes

So during the first, of what would be known as WWII, England, and its vast Empire, did nothing! They did nothing but live in denial that they were in a fucking war. But then Churchill came into power and in 1940 Great Britain actually began to fight in a war that they declared almost a year before.

Why Did We Not Learn About This?

My best guess is that it doesn't matter that much to Americans. A lot of Americans still think that WWII did not start until we were brought into it, in 1941. (Two whole years before war was actually declared.) In American History we don't really care what happened before our country joined any conflict, just what happened once we got involved. And even in World History, if it is taught in America it is still going to be centered around America.

Myth #3- The D-Day Invasion Ultimately Ended The War In Europe 

Did the D-Day invasion help the Allied cause of the war? Yes. Was it the reason that Hitler decided he could never win the war and end up eating buck shot? NO! The truth is that the real deciding factor of the war in Europe was not the invasion on the western front, but rather the invasion on the eastern front. In a battle known as Stalingrad, Russian troops entered Berlin and kept bombing and fighting until it was clear that there was no fucking hope for Germany. So yeah, the liberation of France did suck for Germany but it would take a dictator just as evil (if not more) as Hitler, that did not care how many of his soldiers died, to really beat Hitler at his own game.

Still me bitches!!!!!

Why Did We Not Learn About This?

Two words- Cold War! Immediately after WWII the Soviet Union went from an Allie to an enemy. Stalin was so hated that Churchill tried to convinced the recently conquered Germany and his own country of Great Britain to declare war on the Soviet Union. But everyone was tired of war at that point, and Churchill even lost his re-election bid as Prime Minister of Great Britain. And Truman knew that the American people would not be happy about being on the winning side of one war just to jump into another one. But Fascism was no longer the dirty word in America, Communism was! To prove that point we would enter into two more wars and a few other "conflicts" just to show our disapproval at that particular political ideology.

Myth #4- More Deaths Occurred On The Axis Side Than The Allied Which Is Why We Won The War  

This absolutely sounds logical! After all, the deciding factor of WWI came down to whose side lost the most people, but in WWII, not so much. In fact there were a lot more deaths on the Allied side than there were on the Axis side. In fact of all the people who died (military and civilian) the Axis powers suffered a 5,930,000 loss,  while the Allied powers suffered a 18,587,000 loss of lives. Just to help you understand those figures more, here is a nice pie graph to help you compare those numbers:

This graph shows the percentage of the populations of the Allied and Axis powers that was killed during WWII. It shows that Allies lost not only more military lives, but also more civilian lives than the Axis powers. But we all know that the Allied side won the war, so it would only be logical that they would have suffered the least amount of casualties. That is a logical conclusion, but look at the bar graph below: (it repeats the above pie graph.) 

 China was under heavy attack from Japan which is why they had such a high civilian casualty rate. But the most people, military and civilian, died in the Soviet Union (who during the war was on our side) than any other country. At this point you have to remember that Stalin is credited to be responsible for more deaths than Hitler. (And these estimates include the millions that dies in the Holocaust. So yes, Stalin really was more evil than Hitler!)

Yep, that explains his logic perfectly!! 

Why Did We Not Learn About This?

Chances are you actually fucking did. Even though the Cold War tried to downplay the Soviet Union's role in the victory in Europe, America has never had any problems telling you what an evil FUCK Stalin was. Chances are you were just not paying attention because your teacher did not use the word fuck as often as I do. 

And even though it has no bearing to this post I would like to present a few more Stalin Memes. Enjoy!

    

 

  

A Short History On Why World War I Was Truly A Retarded War

As long as our earliest ancestors began to create tools to kill animals, they found out that they could kill people as well! And this started a killing spree that continues to this day. But as we evolved more and began to form societies and cities we were able to take killing each other to a whole new level. And the birth of wars began.

There have been wars that were waged for freedom, justice, and other noble and worthy causes. One war was to put a stop to an evil dictator that wanted to take over the world, he tortured his own people, and killed a fuck ton of people. Guess who that was! 

No not him.

No, not him either,

getting warmer...

"ME! ME! I'M THE GUY!" 

Just to put things in perspective for you, the guy we did go to war with was not the worst offender pictured here. He is not even in second place. He is in third. Stalin (pictured above Hitler) is second, and Mao Zedong (pictured above Stalin)  was responsible for more deaths than those other two assholes. But I am here to talk about war and Hitler is the only asshole we fought so I digress.

So yes, as sad as it is there are some wars that are necessary and it pains me to have to say that. And then there are wars that have been fought that really makes you say, "Wait, what the hell are even doing here?" I am here to talk about such a war; I am here to talk about the cluster fuck that was World War I. It started in Europe in 1914 and ended in 1918. There were a lot, and I mean A LOT of deaths from this war. There were 37 million military and civilian deaths in this war making it one of the deadliest wars in human history. 

So if that many people died than there had to be a reason, right? Who was the evil bastard that caused all of that? Here is where we get to the cluster fuck part, there really wasn't one. No Hitlers, no Stalins, No Maos, nobody that you can point the finger at and say, "He did it! He started it and it is all his fault!" So what led to World War I? Well a lot actually but I am not going to bore you by going into a lot of detail I am going to kind of sum it all up because if I didn't this would turn into a 400 page book! 

1) Imperialism- now this is a big word that pretty much means "Hey you have a lot of good shit in your country that can make us have more money than God! So, yeah, we will be taking over now and make you apart of our ever growing money-making empire! Thanks, bye". It was because of imperialism that you now have a lot of either English or French speaking African countries. But this made it a competition. It was like playing a game of Risk only with real people and real weapons. So while every European nation was trying to get their hands on every country they came across, countries began to really hate each other.

2)- Militarism-- The Great Industrial Revolution had happened and there was technology available that had never been seen before!! This also meant that we could make weapons that had never been seen before. Because at this point a lot of countries hated each other this led to an arms race. Yes, ladies and gentleman Europe was engulfed in a cold was long before America. They did it first. They're hipsters like that!

3) Nationalism- It means "we are better than you so go suck it!" And this attitude was felt more in the Balkans than most other places.Prior to WWI not one, but two different wars took place in this region. Why? Well you have an area where you have  12 different ethnic groups and more languages, sub-languages, and dialects than is healthy to think about. And most of the people in one ethnic group hated the people of the other ethnic groups. So they didn't want to be in one country with "those" people they wanted to be independent or be in a country that had "their" people. Here is what that region looked like in 1900: 

And here is what it looks like today:  

Well all of this fighting lead to reason number four:

4) Alliances- Anybody who has ever seen a season of "Survivor" knows that this will not work out. They were agreements that pretty much said, "hey if we get attacked you help us and if you get attacked we will help you". It sounds simple, but that meant that if there was any trouble (which obviously there were or I wouldn't be writing this damn thing) EVERYONE had to get involved. Here is how the whole "alliance" thing actually played out: Austria-Hungary declared war on Serbia, Russia got involved to defend Serbia. Germany seeing Russia mobilizing, declared war on Russia. France was then drawn in against Germany and Austria-Hungary. Germany attacked France through Belgium pulling Britain into war. Then because Japan had already beat the Russians in the Russo-Japanese War Japan entered the war to fight against the Russians AGAIN! 

"This is making my brain hurt!"

5) A guy got shot- That is what started the actual war! As stated above (don't worry about re-reading it and putting yourself through that mess again) Austria-Hungary was the first to declare war and then everyone was obligated to join. Why did Austria-Hungary declare war? Because Emperor Franz Joseph got really pissed off when his heir to the throne, Archduke Ferdinand, got shot and died. A CIVILIAN shot Ferdinand but the emperor blamed Serbia so he declared war on them, and every-fucking-body else! 

Every reason before now is scholarly opinion that can be backed up by research. If you don't believe me, then look at Wikipedia for Christ's sake. But this last reason is a theory I have developed over the years on my own, and I would like to share it with you 

6) There were too many inbreds and not enough adult supervision- You see there was this queen of England named Victoria who did not just have children, she had fucking litters of them! So by the time all of her children marry and have kids, those kids marry other relatives so as to keep the blue-blood lineage alive. So at this time the ruling families of Europe did not have a gene pool, they had a fucking Jacuzzi. 

Here is how the kaiser of Germany, the tsar of Russia, and the King of Great Britain were related: 

Like I said, too much inbreeding

   

So there you have it. The cluster fuck of World War I. No real bad guy. Just a bunch of bored, rich relatives that wanted more land, more money, and a chance to play with their new toys. The toys being new and better bombs, machine-guns, torpedoes, and tanks! 

Well the Tsar didn't end up well. In fact due to a Communist Revolution he ended up dead. And Germany lost so Wilhelm and his family were no longer allowed to rule Germany. This made it possible for Hitler to eventually seize power and start World War II.  

"I'm back BITCHES!!"