Why I Think Obama is a Fan of "Breaking Bad"

To begin this I feel as though I need to reveal something about myself. I have A LOT of free time. Why you may ask? Well it's personal and I have neither the time nor the inclination to go into detail about that at this time. That would require a post all on its own. (Hmm, maybe I will write that one tomorrow.) Anyway, as I was saying, I have a lot of down time. Hence the name of the blog, Living In The Internet, because that is what I feel like I do. I live vicariously through the endless space known as the World Wide Web.

But I do sometimes think during this time and not just watch funny videos of cats on youtube (although I do that more than I think is healthy) and I have a theory. President Obama is a fan of the show Breaking Bad.

If you don't watch the show the basic run of it is a chemistry teacher gets diagnosed with cancer and because we pay teachers a shit salary he worries how he will pay for the treatments and provide for his family after he dies. So he does the most logical thing he can think of and begins to cook meth to make a boat load of money in a small amount of time. Needless to say mishaps and shenanigans ensue.

Like I said, shenanigans!

I am a fan of the show myself and I read somewhere on the internet a joke that if the show took place in Canada it would go something like this; Chemistry teacher gets cancer and the public health care system pays for the treatments and gives assistance to his family. The End. Not a very exciting show so that is probably why it is based in the U.S. But that got me thinking and I did a little research into the show and the history of President Obama's healthcare reform.

The show premiered January 20, 2008. That was also the same day President Obama was sworn into office. (Conspiracy?) So I doubt that the President actually watched it that night because he was probably too busy partying because he just became the most powerful man in the freakin' world. But I am pretty sure that the White House has DVR so he probably watched the show when he wasn't busy.

I believe he was watching this show and thought to himself, "Holy crap!! This guy is now a drug dealer who is getting more evil by the day because he did not have good enough health-care! By Golly, this must change!!", or something like that. I don't know, I wasn't there.

On March of 2009, just one month before the season three premiere of "Breaking Bad", Obama held his first healthcare summit. Personally, I think clips of the show was being shown to illustrate how we needed better healthcare. Because let's face it, graphs and statistics are fine but not nearly as entertaining as T.V. But again I don't know, I wasn't there.

This is where I think the possibility of a conspiracy gets real. The first half of the fifth and last season of the show premiered on July of 2012. Just one month AFTER the Supreme Court decided that Obama-care was constitutional. This means that while the Justices were debating the issue to see if the reform would be upheld, the shows that were going to be shown in season five were complete. So I think Obama called AMC and was all like, "Dude, I really need those episodes to show to the justices so we can get this reform bill approved and not have teachers become drug dealers", or something like that.

Would AMC tell the most powerful man in the country "NO"? Hell no they wouldn't! I think they sent the tapes right to him with a note that said, "Thanks for watching and don't tell anyone" and those tapes got slipped right into the Supreme Court. A month later, we saw what some of the most powerful people in America had already seen. BOOM! Now we have healthcare reform, and "Breaking Bad" is no longer going to be relevant and the fifth season is the last.

But then again, as I said earlier, I have A LOT of free time on my hands so my theory is probably bullshit. But...maybe not.

To be fair I probably sound like whoever made this, so maybe my logic is flawed!

Retarded Things Twifag , I Mean "Twilight" Taught Me

"Twifag"... Uh I mean "Twilight" is a series of books/movies that have finally come to an end. Stephenie Meyer is done writing these shitty books and has instead gone on to write other shitty books that will be made into shitty movies, but I digress.

So seeing as how the saga is complete people of course have lost interest. Or not. Nope. Not even fucking close. There are still more fan pages and fan lit and fan art than "Fight Club" has. This signifies to me that society is in fact declining. So I decided to actually look into this obsession that still has the world sporting "Team Edward" t-shirts. So after watching the movies (because seriously, the writing actually sucked so bad I think the movies are better. And seeing as how the movies are crap that should say something.) I decided to share the core values that I think the author was shoving in our face the whole time.

1. Never have sex before marriage. 

Seriously, it can kill you. Edward didn't want to "hurt" Bella and was old fashioned. In books that have to do with vampires that don't drink human blood, the correlation with Ed not wanting to bust Bella's cherry was not lost on me. That vamp would not fuck until there was a ring on it!

But just to bring home the message, here is a picture of the author of the "sex is bad before marriage" message.

The most amazing part... she IS married!

So you are a teenager, or a guy that is REALLY old and you have all of these hormones screaming at you to HAVE SEX!!! PLEASE!!

2. So get married right out of high school so you can finally get laid.

Because that can in no way EVER go wrong!!

Something I did find odd though, while watching the movies (online because I was NOT going to pay for that shit!) I noticed that as soon as Edward and Bella was married, having sex was not dangerous. The guy that was worried he would kill an unmarried virgin had no problems hitting that once she was the ripe old age of 18 and married!

3 Kissing another guy is totally not cheating... so your boyfriend and soon to be hubby will totally understand.

"I don't love you, I have told you a million times! So Kiss ME!!"

To recap, Jacob heard that Bella was going to marry Edward so Bella asks Jacob to kiss her. Edward figures this out and when Bella says, "I love you more" his response is "I know." CUT FUCKING SCENE!! Wait... WHAT!! In real life she would be called out for the whore that she really is. The stupidness of this entire scene makes me question life on an existential basis. And I don't get paid enough to think that hard.

4. Abortion is NEVER okay. Even if the baby is growing and eating you from the inside out.

So surprise surprise the teen bride ends up being a teen mom. I won't really go into the details there because I think MTV owns the rights to that story. But the "thing" growing inside Bella after the very un-natural conception is in fact killing her! 

Skeleton Preggers! 

This begins a fight over whether or not Bella is carrying a "baby" or "fetus". This is the most pro-life scene I have witnessed since covering a republican convention. Of course the "fetus" wins out and Bella is only saved because her hubby is a vampire.

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!

So don't kill a fetus that is killing you and hope that your husband is a vampire and can save your life. Ummmm... OKAY?

And the last lesson I learned is..

5. Pedophilia... Is kind of okay.

Edward was 106, 107 and Bella was 18 when they got married. Yeah, that's not creepy at all! And to top it off, Jacob "imprints" on an infant.

So Jacob, a 17 year old falls in love with a baby! 

Suffice to say, after watching these movies, I felt the need to go to high school and preach safe sex rather than abstinence, not get pregnant while there was a "teen" behind my age, and I began to watch "Law and Order SVU"

At least they have their shit together. And don't think infants are the love of their lives!