A Woman's Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse, or The New World Order. Whichever Comes First

This is my rendition of a woman's guide to the end of the world. Rather it be by biological  mystic, or government induced. No matter why you are now facing the end of civilization, you are. So you might as well get use to it and buck up and grow a set.

The number one problem with women when it comes to the end of the wold is we still rely too much on men. Think about it: think about every movie you have ever seen. It is always the woman who is left behind washing clothes and "tidying" up camp and the men are the ones who go out to protect the "womens". Well let me be the one to tell you that it does not have to be that way!
So my first rule  for women is:

1) Get a couple of guns, and practice!!! (However, if you are a convicted felon, or suffer from an illness, or have any other reason as to why you cannot and should not buy a gun LEGALLY and register it, skip this.)

The practice point is the most important. What is the use in a gun if you do not know how to use it? No matter if it is a zombie apocalypse or a new world order, it never hurts to know how ta make a head shot at 20 yards! Either way, you will be the stronger because of your knowledge of the weapon. Which leads me to point number two:




2) Learn how to kill silently and up-close.

Whether you are dodging zombies or evil government soldiers, you only want to use a gun when your back is against a brick wall. Gun shots are too loud and draw too much attention to the user. You need to know how to inflict a head wound with a knife so the "enemy" can go down quietly and without much of a fight. This also applies to a sword, and it can prove worthy to you. Learn how to be a surgeon using the ancient weapon. This is also the moment that "stealthiness" comes into play. Part of being able to be a silent death machine is the ability to lurk around corners without drawing attention to yourself. This is where women have the upper hand. Many of us were brought up to be "graceful" and "delicate". And what better way to teach these virtues of women but by enrolling them in ballet? So many women have years of practice of tip-toeing around on our bare toes. Thus, we have learned to be quiet as a mouse when we leap, run, and walk.  Hence, we are quiet death machines!

Speaking of silent weapons that can come in handy; this brings me to the next point:

3) Buy and learn how to use a crossbow.

 This weapon combines the efficiency of the silent kill that is offered through a knife and sword with the long distance kill of a gun. This is the perfect weapon if you want to shoot "something" or "someone" without the attention of a gun blast. This allows for a silent kill without the need to get "up close and personal" while using a knife or sword. Using this weapon also allows for a bonus for the women out there, this is the weapon of such sexy men as Daryl Dixon of "The Walking Dead". Using a weapon such as the crossbow could strike up a conversation with a man such as Daryl, because you already have a weapon in common. Which leads me to my next point:




4) Use protection!

Even if you have never seen a George Romero movie or seen an episode of "The Walking Dead", or been in a combat situation, common sense should tell you that now is not the time to start a family. Even if it is with a sexy Norman Reedus type character you need to remember that no matter what you do, a child will bring attention to you from the very people (or un-people) that you want to avoid. For many of us who have seen the last episodes of M*A*S*H we know what a crying baby can do to refugees of a political struggle and the psyche of a normal person. And for later generations that know not what I am talking about but can relate to the problems that a screaming baby can yield, the simple truth is "baby bad" and "living good". So when looting for supplies during a zombie or political apocalypse  please get some condoms on your next pillaging endeavor.

This is just a few points that I wanted to bring to a "Feminist Guide to the End of The World". This one article is just the tip of the iceberg, so continue to read so all strong women (and men) can survive a New World Order, or a Zombie Apocalypse!